*a supermarket in the USA*
CHECK OUT LADY: Hi, how are you!
*beep*
ME: Yeah not bad, yourself?
CHECK OUT LADY: Good, thank you.
*beep*
ME: Good, good.
CHECK OUT LADY: How was everything today sir? Find everything alright?
ME: Look, to be honest… there was something missing.
*beep*
CHECK OUT LADY: Oh, I’m sorry! Was there something I can help with?
ME: Yeahhhh, I’m just a bit… sorry, what was your name?
CHECK OUT LADY: Sally.
ME: Sally, I was just wondering where the Dellys were?
*beep*
SALLY: I’m sorry, the Dell-ies? Our deli counter is just over there… but we’ve only got one.
ME: Yeah nah, ya Dell-Ys. With a ‘Y’.
SALLY: …. … I don’t follow. What’s a delly?
*beep*
ME: Sally… You serious?
SALLY: Ah. I guess?
ME: You don’t know Delly?
SALLY: Should I?
ME: King Delly of Maryborough, First of His Name, Gatherer of Loose Balls, Chopper of Knees, Sinker of Tins?
SALLY [shaking her head]: I’m sorry sir, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
ME: The cosmic gathering of basketball-playing sheer will, grit and determination?
SALLY: [shrugs]
ME: Outback Jesus?
*beep*
SALLY: No, sorry.
ME: Hmmm… I guess that explains why there are no Delly cut-outs in here on this most Holy of Delly Days.
SALLY: Delly cut outs?
ME: You know; big lifesize cardboard cutouts…
SALLY: ….
ME: I think I need to speak to your manager.
*beep*
SALLY: Is that necessary?
ME: Very.
SALLY [Yelling]: MIIIIIKE. This guy wants to talk to you.
[MIKE comes over]
ME: Hey… Mike was it?
MIKE: Yes sir, what seems to be the problem here?
SALLY: He wants to know where our Dellys are… I told him we only had one Deli counter.
*beep*
ME: Mike, I’m just disappointed Sally here doesn’t know a) who Delly is, and b) why this day is important.
MIKE: You’re going to have to forgive me sir, but what are you referencing when you say ‘Delly’.
ME [shocked]: C’mon Mike. Pull the other one; it plays Shannon Noll’s ‘What About Me’.
*beep*
MIKE: Sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
ME: Mike. C’mon, be serious…. You know Delly. He’s only the scrappiest and best point guard in the NBA.
MIKE: He’s a basketball player? Like LeBron James?
ME [laughing]: Well, LeBron’s a basketball player *like* Delly…
[serious]
and a basketball player who hasn’t won a title in Cleveland without Delly, by the way.
SALLY: He wants to know why we don’t have cutouts of this Delly here today.
ME: Damn right I do Mike.
*beep*
MIKE: Ah, sir… Why would we have cutouts of a basketball player in our supermarket?
ME: Glad you asked Mike. See, on this day, back in 2014, old mate Matthew Dellavedova had probably the best game of his rookie year!
MIKE [confused]: … And?
ME: See Mike, in this game against Detroit, Delly came off the bench for his Cleveland Cavaliers and scored 14 points…
MIKE [interrupting]: … Sir…
*beep*
ME: Don’t interrupt me Mike, I’m just about sick of your over-the-top LeBron-loving… So he had 14 points on, get this, 5-of-8 shooting from the field… AND hit FOUR of SIX threes!
MIKE: Sir, be that as it may…
ME: What’d I say about interrupting me with your LeBron love Mike?
MIKE: Sorry Sir.
ME: Good man. ANYWAY. So, Delly has his 14 points right?
MIKE & SALLY: Right.
*beep*
ME: AND he had 4 rebounds, which for a bloke who’s 6-foot nothing is pretty bloody good, wouldn’t you agree?
MIKE & SALLY: [nodding]
*beep*
ME: Ken oath. SO, he’s got his 14 points and 4 rebounds… and he has a steal too!
MIKE: …Ok?
ME: BUT! The best bit though? Delly only bloody well set his rookie-year high with 12 assists!
MIKE: Wow… Is… is that a lot?
ME: What the hell is wrong with you Mike?
MIKE: [shrugs]
ME: Too bloody right it is! For a backup rookie point guard 14 and 12 — while shooting 62.5% — is remarkable!
MIKE: A backup? I thought you said he was the best point guard in the NB?
ME: The two aren’t mutually exclusive Mike.
MIKE: Oh.
ME: So there you go. That’s why on this day we celebrate! It’s the anniversary of one of Delly’s best rookie games!
SALLY: Ok, so…
ME: I don’t hear any beeping Sally.
SALLY: … I finished about five minutes ago sir, and there’s a really big line behind you…
ME [turning to Mike]: Mike I’ll bring you round some of my Delly cutouts so you’ll be ready for next year!
MIKE: Ah… ok?
ME: Good man… and remember one thing Mike, Sally.
SALLY & MIKE: Yes?
ME: Delly is life.
*Vanishes in a puff of smoke that smells like the Maryborough maccas carpark*
#ONYA rookie Delly!
**Smash the *DAILY* NBA Straya podcast here**
