You little ripper! It’s the 2nd anniversary of a day that if those clowns in Canberra had their wits about them, would already be a Public Holiday. ‘Bangers Day’, we’d call it, where all of us could sit down as a nation, relax with 37 beers each, and regale future generations with the story of how the Man From Mareeba, the Human Cement Mixer, Australia’s greatest folk hero, Aron ‘Bangers’ Baynes, became an icon for the ages.
That’s right: none of us will forget where we were two years ago, where despite being a cement mixer that someone put an NBA jersey on, against the Portland Trail Blazers, Big Bangers went absolutely spare, shooting 12-for-23 from the field and 9-for-14 from 3, for a CAREER HIGH 37 points!
That’s right: not only a massive CAREER HIGH, but Bangers also set a new NBA RECORD for made-3s by a centre!! NINE threes!
Mate. That’s more bonkers than that chick in year 9 at my high school who stabbed a teacher!
And, showing that he possesses more tools than a Chiltern chippie, Bangers added 16 elbows-out rebounds, 1 expertly-slung assist, 1 steal that took $50 AND the ball from CJ McCollum, and 2 blocks that were so vicious, one of them not only sent poor ‘Super’ Mario Hezonja back to Croatia, but packed his bags and bought him a bus ticket.
37 points. 16 rebounds. 9 made threes! 1 assist. 1 steal. 2 blocks!
(Don’t tell the missus, but I reckon I’ve got the names of our first six kids sorted now.)
THING IS, that career high night from Bangers in the desert frightened poor Adam Silver — aka the result of what happens if you mix a lawyer with one of those weird hairless cats — that in an effort to contain Bangers’ domination, he shut down the entire bloody NBA!!
Sure, most thought it was cos of COVID, but we all know the *real* reason that coward Silver pulled the plug: he was afraid of what a Bangers-dominated NBA would do to his coddled cry-babies like Lebron James & Steph Curry.
So, not only had Bangers set a career high despite spending his entire career being reffed like he was bloody Essendon and all the NBA refs were Hayden Kennedy, they SHUT DOWN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE TO SLOW HIM DOWN!
That’s more cooked than Molly Meldrum on Molly! More wonky than a brick fence in the inner northern suburbs of Melbourne. More anti-Strayan than that flog ref who gave an Italian dive a penalty in the 2006 World Cup!
But 37/16/1/1/2 on 12-23FGs, and 9-13 3PTs! That’s better than a green demon after a day of hard yakka. And I reckon after that career night Bangers probably snuck into the locker-room and reverse-Kanga’d the visitor’s dunnies for good measure!
After all, it’s no bloody coincidence that the Suns — who had spent years as a team more full of useless flogs than Freo — brought in Bangers and IMMEDIATELY turned their franchise around & would go on to make the Finals the next year either!
It’s why, for a bloke more underrated than Grinspoon’s debut, and more beloved Makybe Diva, his absence in our lives after his terrifying fall at the Tokyo Olympics feels all the more painful: he was just hitting his bloody straps at age 34.
But there you go. How’s that!? Not just boasting a trouser-snake that gave ol’ Tommy Heinsohn the night terrors, on this day, Bangers put the fear of god into Adam Silver & shut down the NBA with one of the single greatest performances in NBA history.
ONYA Bangers, you little bloody beauty!
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