On this day 26 years ago, a baby boy was born in the Eastern Suburbs of Melbourne. But this was no ordinary baby. Rumour has it this baby came out of the womb, took one look at the doctor, sneered, then crossed him up and broke both his ankles before dunking on him. Smash cut to 24 years later, back in 2016, that baby was a soon-to-be-NBA-champion who SMASHED it on his birthday while with the Cleveland Cavaliers.
That’s right! Today is Aussie Kyrie Irving’s birthday! And strewth, Kyrie celebrated it back in 2016 with more gusto than a Wantirna welder getting off early on Friday for knockoff froths down the Wheelers Hill Hotel!
Going up against Giannis Antetokounmpo and the Milwaukee Bucks on the anniversary of Drederick and Elizabeth Irving welcoming him into the world by swaddling him in a tiny Bulleen Boomers jersey, Kyrie was nursing a brutal hangover from too many Corona tins pushed on him by Delly.
BUT, proving he was a legend with more legs than Makybe Diva and the stamina of prime Boonie, Kyrie STILL shredded Wisconsin’s finest like the Bridgestones on my mate Tall Kane’s VL Walkinshaw SS Commodore after a Saturday of Esplanade burnouts up the Goldie!
With his brain feeling like a battered sav rolling around on the Maroondah Highway after being dropped out of a Kenworth cabover by a truckie named Dale, Kyrie went 5-of-10 from the field and 1-4 from 3… but still managed to get to 16 points because Kyrie knows threes things: Saturdays are for the boys, chicks dig scars, and shooters shoot.
And, because he’s been a point-god since he was a 2-year-old ankle biter dunking on a nerf hoop in a Balwyn backyard, Kyrie shared the love like Barnaby Joyce, adding 8 pinpoint assists, and went to work on the boards like a Beanie Baby Karl Malone, snagging 8 of those bloody things as well.
The best part, though, came when he had a steal that was so stylish it made Milwaukee’s John Henson wander off the court, go down to the Cleveland Applebees and organise Kyrie a big birthday party for after the game.
16/8/8 AND a win on your birthday while nursing a hangover that could kill a fully grown Nate Robinson!? Mate, like the time Tall Kane walked over a bonfire and skolled a beer he found at the edge of it, that’s the stuff of legend!
Just a bloody shame he decided to play for the US instead of the Tokyo 2020 gold medallists Straya, ay!?
#ONYA, AND BLOODY HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYRIE!
