**phone ringing**
ME: Hello?
TELEMARKETER: Hello sir, my name is Steven and I wou…
ME [interrupting]: Lemme stop you right there Stevo… Have you heard the good news?
TELEMARKETER: Uh… what?
ME: That’s it’s the fourth anniversary of a rookie Delly leading the Cleveland Cavaliers to a crucial win over the Memphis Grizzlies?
TELEMARKETER: Ah… No sir. I did not know that.
ME: Well Stevo… wait. You know who Matthew Dellavedova is right?
TELEMARKETER: Um…
ME: C’mon Steve… Outback Jesus?
TELEMARKETER: Uh…
ME: King Delly of Maryborough, First of his Name, Sinker of Tins?
TELEMARKETER: Sir…
ME [interrupting]: The Wonder from Down Under?
TELEMARKETER: Sir… I have no idea what you’re talking about but I have a great opportuni…
ME [interrupting]:… Y’know, scrappy little guy, composed entirely of heart, grit and fast-twitch sinew almost cosmically attuned to a higher plane of basketball awareness?
TELEMARKETER: Oh! Is that the guy who took out Russell Westbrook couple of years back?
ME: Nah. That was Patrick Beverley. They call him the American Delly… but we all know that Steph Curry is the American Delly….
TELEMARKETER: Oh.
ME: Too bloody right. Anyway Stevo, look, four years back, the Cavs were struggling until Delly stepped on the hardwood.
TELEMARKETER: Sure.
ME: But then Delly came on — and, look, Stevo, remember, the little fella’s just a rookie at this point right?
TELEMARKETER: Right…
ME: … So he comes on… AND DOESN’T MISS A BLOODY SHOT!
TELEMARKETER: Wow! That’s impressive!
ME: You don’t need to tell me twice Stevo.
TELEMARKETER: … So what happened?
ME: Well Stevo, sure Delly only played 12 minutes, but greatness knows no bounds, and like a just like the purple fella from ‘Sesame Street’, he made every single one of those count…
TELEMARKETER: Ha! I see what you did there!
ME: So, he had 5 points
TELEMARKETER:… that’s not mu…
ME [interrupting]: FIVE points, on 2-of-2 shooting, including an and-1, where he caressed the free throw through the hoop like you caress the cheek of your… you married Stevo?
TELEMARKETER: Yessir, I am…
ME: … like you caress the cheek of your wife Stevo! It was a bloody sight to behold, like the sun rising over the Twelve Apostles! AND King Delly also had 3 assists and NO turnovers… and was a bloody +12 for the game!
TELEMARKETER: … that’s… pretty good?
ME: AND A BLOCK!
TELEMARKETER: WHAT!? Wow! Wait… I’m assuming he’s not very tall, right?
ME: Damn straight Stevo. Damn straight; for him to get a block is like Jarrod ‘Toadfish’ Rebecchi from Neighbours hooking up with hotties like Steph Scully and Dee Bliss: not completely incomprehensible, but it clearly takes a lot of effort.
TELEMARKETER: … I … I’m sorry. I don’t get that reference.
ME: It’s alright Stevo, we can’t all be as perfect Delly
[both laughing]
ME: Aaaaanyway – so that’s the story of a rookie Delly back in Cleveland in 2014 leading his Cavs to a win!
TELEMARKETER: Sir. That was marvellous.
ME: Yeah, shame the dead set ledge is hurt at the moment… but he’ll be back quicker than you can say ‘meet ya for tinnies in the Maryborough Maccas carpark!’
TELEMARKETER: … I don’t know what that means either, but now I can’t wait!
ME: Alright Stevo. Good talk. Have a good one ay?
TELEMARKETER: Wait… I wanna know more abou…
ME: *click*
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