NBA STRAYA #Never #Forget – #PlayoffEdition! #DELLYVERSARY
*a New York deli, prior to Game 3 of the NBA Finals*
ME: [scratching deli cat] Awwww, Mr Whiskers, you tubby legend, you look like someone covered Jason Dunstall in clag and rolled him around a East Bentleigh hairdresser…
[at the counter] Ay, my man Manuel!
MANUEL: Ola Mr Jaymz!
ME:S’garn on Manuel?
MANUEL: Not as much you Mr Jaymz – why so many beers? Are you, as you say, ‘smashing cans’ tonight?
ME: Damn straight I am Manuel. You should know why too!
MANUEL: [pointing] Is it something to do with your green and jellow hat?
ME: [grinning] Yep.
MANUEL: [pointing] And the Australian flag you’re carrying?
ME: [grinning harder] Yep!
MANUEL: [pointing] And the life-size cut-out of a smiling basketball man you’re carrying?
ME: [grinning even harder] You better believe it Manuel!
MANUEL: Who is the basketball man Mr Jaymz?
ME: [dumbstruck] Wait… Manuel: you don’t know who this life-size cut-out bloke is?
MANUEL: Lo siento no, Mr Jaymz
ME: Dammit Manuel – your shop is named for him!
MANUEL: Manuel’s deli!?
ME: Well… half named for him.
MANUEL: Que? His name is Manuel?
ME: Nah mate, the other half.
MANUEL: Que? Is name ‘Deli’?
ME: Bingo! Well… His name is Matthew Dellavedova – full name: King Delly of Maryborough, First of His Name, Gatherer of Loose Balls, Dunker of Rims and Sinker of Tins.
MANUEL: [scratching cat] Muy bueno Mr Jaymz… Does ‘Mr King Delly’ have deli Gato like Mr Whiskers?
MR WHISKERS: [purring]
ME: [scratching Mr Whiskers] Nah, not that I know of… but anyway Manuel, you know how tonight’s Game 3 of the NBA Finals?
MANUEL: Si!
ME: Well, today is a national holiday in Australia! It’s the DELLY-VERSARY!!!
MANUEL: Si? Que? Oh! Many happy returns Mr Jaymz!
ME: Cheers Manuel! See, it’s because 4 years ago in Game 3 of the NBA Finals, our national hero, Outback Jesus himself, rose from the dead and SMOTE the Golden State Warriors with such might that Steph Curry…
MANUEL: Ah! Little man you call ‘little dork’ and swear at so much!?
ME: The very one! Anyway! SO! Delly, rushed into service as Kyrie ‘Spud’ Irving fell by the wayside with an injury… and, as they say, cometh the man, cometh hour! And the hour, Manuel, was Delly O’Clock! The most righteously gritty and full-of-heart time in NBA history!
MANUEL: Si Mr Jaymz – whatever jou say!
ME: Well Manuel, let me just tell you that Outback Jesus, King Delly himself, stepped up in probably the most inspiring Australian display since Don Bradman himself was staring down Harold Larwood during Bodyline… and put himself in the bloody hospital in the process!
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: Hey, is this gonna take long?
ME: [turning around] Excuse me?
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: I said, is this gonna take long?
ME: C’mon mate, I’m just telling Manuel here the story of the greatest display of point-guardery the NBA Finals have ever seen?
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: Oh, like John Starks?
[everyone in the deli laughs– except one man who looks suspiciously like John Starks sighing sadly]
ME: Nah mate, when Delly tore apart Golden State!
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: Delly? Is that the guy who plays dirty?
ME: [eyes narrowing dangerously] Have we got a problem here?
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: Ah…
ME: [louder] Do you want to take this outside?
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: [taken aback] Naw naw, we’re good.
ME: [turning back, smiling] Orright, where was I?
MANUEL: Mr Delly was inspiring Mr Jaymz…
ME: Righto. Yep. So! Delly — in a whirlwind of sheer guts and determination — scored a playoff CAREER HIGH 20 points, grabbed 5 rebounds with the ferocity of 46 dingoes tied together in a bundle with occy straps, and passed off 4 assists so beautiful that Brangelina named TWO of their kids after him!
MANUEL: Mierda! What a man Mr Jaymz!
ME: Too bloody right ‘mierda’, Manuel. The best bit is, he not only led the Cavaliers to a win — and put them up 2-1 in the Finals over the Warriors — King Delly bloody well put his body on the line and played himself to exhaustion. He had to be taken to the hospital!
MANUEL: [crossing himself]
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: Holy crap!
ME: Ken oath mate! So not only did Delly score a playoff career high, he also played bulldog defense on Steph Curry and locked him down! Amazing stuff.
MANUEL: Incredible Mr Jaymz!
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: Wowsers!
ME: And there you go: now you know why Game 3 of the NBA Finals is an Australian holiday… It’s a DELLY-VERSARY in honour of King Delly, the NBA’s best point guard, who played so hard they had to take the scrappy little bugger to hospital!
MANUEL: Si Mr Jaymz – mucho interesante!
RANDOM NYC BLOKE BEHIND ME: Unbelievable…
ME: [scratching Mr Whiskers one last time] Orright cobbers, now you know about the Delly-Versary and the legend of Delly, I’m off!
*vanishes in a puff of smoke that smells like doughies in the Maryborough IGA carpark*
#ONYA Delly, Dead-Set Playoff Ledge!
#HappyDELLYVERSARY!!!
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