#NBA #Straya Never Forget! #PlayoffEdition
*at a doctor’s office in New York*
ME: yeah, g’day, I’ve got an appointment?
NURSE: Sure thing, what’s the name?
ME [grinning wildly]: Ah, it’s booked under Mr DellysAledge… but the actual name is Jaymz Clements?
NURSE: Sure thing, take a seat Mr DellysAledge… and fill out this paperwork
ME [still beaming]: yeah no problems, cheers
*five minutes later*
DIFFERENT NURSE [poking her head out of a door]: Mr DellysAledge?
ME [grinning like a lunatic]: Yeah, that’s me!
DIFFERENT NURSE: Come through, the doctor’s ready to see you now!
ME: ripper rita
*goes through to nicely appointed doctor’s office*
DOCTOR: Hi there, take a seat Mr DellysAledge….
ME [now grinning uncontrollably]: yeah no worries
DOCTOR: …. so what seems to be the problem?
ME: Well Doc, I dunno, but I’ve got this real case of anxiety kinda always following me hey?
DOCTOR: Oh really, and how long has this been going on?
ME: Oh, I’d say about three years… to the very day, in fact.
DOCTOR: Really? That’s very interesting. Why to this very day three years ago?
ME: Glad you asked Doc… because you see, it was on this very day, three years ago, that the best point guard in the NBA put on a show for the ages in the playoffs and became a dead-set ledge in the process!
DOCTOR: … and why would that cause you any anxiety?
ME: Let me ask you something: do you know much about basketball Doc?
DOC: Of course! I’m a Knicks season ticket holder!
ME: Ewww, gross.
DOC: I’m sorry?
ME: Oh, nothing… … but at the same time, the fact you don’t know this date is PART of my anxiety ay…
DOC: How’s that?
ME: Well, you now how I was talking about the best point guard in the NBA?
DOC: Yes, I assumed you were talking about Chris Paul or something…
ME [staring the doc right in the eyes]: … you what?
DOC: Y’know, Chris Paul, or, like, Steph Curry or someone…
ME [eyes narrowing]: You and I have got some real problems to work out here Doc… and you still haven’t said the name of the best point guard in the NBA…
DOC [taken aback]: Really? Who is it then?
ME: See, this is REALLY what gets me about you yanks, Doc. This date should be etched in the NBA calendar as a day for celebration and feasting and smashing Corona tinnies!
DOC: … I’m sorry, I don’t follow…
ME [laughing]: Clearly – your team started bloody Jarrett Jack at point guard most of this season
DOC [also laughing]: Tell me about it!
[both laughing]
ME [wiping tears from eyes]: Nah… but seriously Doc… you know Delly right?
DOC: Delly?
ME: Yeah Doc: Delly?
DOC [shaking his head, confused]: ….
ME: King Delly of Maryborough, First of His Name, Gatherer of Loose Balls and Smasher of Tins?
DOC [shrugging]: …
ME: Outback Jesus? The best point guard in the NBA!?
DOC: Okay…. Look, I’m not sure what this is about…
ME: It’s about my anxiety Doc…
DOC: And you say it started 3 years ago?
ME: YES! Now you’re on it Doc… you know what happened 3 years ago?
DOC: Um, a traumatic experience?
ME: What!? For an egghead, you’re not great at comprehension are you Doc?
DOC [angrily]: Look…
ME [interrupting]: Nah Doc, it was far from traumatic… in fact, it was the exact opposite ay
DOC [scratching at his notes] : Okay, so what was it?
ME: Well, on this VERY day, 3 years ago… Delly — Matthew Dellavedova, the best point guard in the NBA — SINGLE-HANDEDLY ended the Derrick Rose-era in Chicago!
DOC: Derrick Rose! He was a Knick!
ME [raising an eyebrow]: He also bailed on his team without telling anyone, and was also an accused rapist and a flog, Doc.
DOC: Oh. Yeah. Right.
ME: So anyway! Delly goes into this close-out game against the Chicago Bulls in the 2nd round of the 2015 playoffs, and straight up SMOKES ‘EM like he was my mate Daz in year 11 punching cones with a homemade billy out the back of the Ballarat High bikesheds!
DOC: Daz? Is he Delly?
ME: Jesus no… keep up Doc.
DOC: Sorry…
ME: SO! Delly goes in to Chicago… and leads all the Cavs scorers — that includes Kyrie Irving and LeBron James, Doc — and gets them to a 4-2 series win and the Eastern Conference Finals by scoring 19 points on 7-of-11 shooting, including 3-of-6 from 3!
DOC: That’s pretty good, I guess?
ME: Pretty good Doc?? A late night 7-11 pie is ‘pretty good’… this showing was like a late night souva from Stalactites: bloody SPECTACULAR!
DOC: What’s Stalactites?
ME: Listen Doc, I don’t have time for your dumb questions — if you don’t know the world’s greatest restaurant OR the NBA’s best point guard, I’m not sure if I can help you…
DOC [spluttering]: I-I-I-I-I….
ME [holding hands up]: Orright, settle down, settle down… SO! While LeBron is crapping the bed with some Kobe-esque 7-of-23 shooting, Delly comes off the bench and carries the Cavs to the win a then-post-season CAREER-HIGH 19 points, 2 rebounds and 1 assist! …. And so Playoff Delly was born!
[pauses thoughtfully]
… And I reckon that’s where my anxiety comes from: that no one realizes that Delly bloody-well SINGLE-HANDEDLY saved the Cavs 3 years back!
DOC: Wow. That is pretty damn impressive! I had no idea. I’ll have to remember that and tell my friends!
ME: Oh shit. There you go! I think I’m cured Doc!
DOC: What?
ME:
*vanishes in a puff of smoke that smells like the Saturday morning sausage sizzle at Maryborough’s Crameri Mitre 10*
#ONYA Playoff Delly!
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