A years ago today, all the way back in 2017, Patty ‘Thrills’ Mills — aka Patty Cakes, aka Bala Supreme, aka the Torres Strait Terror — wandered into AT&T Center in downtown San Antonio, looked around and went, ‘yeah nah, better light this place up, ay bala!’ Patty then delivered the SECOND BEST ASSIST GAME of his NBA career, torching Tyreke Evansand the post-Boogie Sacramento Kings like he was bloody Timmy Cahill against Japan at the ’06 World Cup!
With Kawhi 3000 missing the game for a software update, and with both creaky old Pau Gasol and cheese-eating surrender-monkey Frenchie Tony Parker having shockers, Patty Cakes eyed off the Kings and — in a performance evoking memories of Punter Ponting saving the Aussies’ skin against the Poms at Old Trafford in ‘05 — went to work, putting in more hard yakka than a Coolangatta carpenter and dragging his San Antonio Spurs to a crucial win.
Patty proceeded to light the Kings up like the Sydney Harbour Bridge at New Years, going 6-of-9 (NICE) from the field, 1-of-1 from the charity stripe and 4-of-6 from downtown on his way to 17 points!
Not only was Official: Patty Mills hotter than a tin roof in Toowoomba, but Bala showed off how his game is more well-rounded than Billy Brownless, snatching a rebound with the ferocity and purpose of a hungry Billy at a Crown breakfast buffet.
But the clincher were his 10 assists, all handed off so deftly, so delicately and so cinematically perfect that Gregg Popovich — after wiping the tears of joy from his eyes — got on the blower and now Joel Edgerton is writing, directing and starring in a movie about them! And it’ll be better than that flog Kobe’s weak-as effort and win ALL the #Oscars!
17 points & 10 assists in 26 minutes and a +23 in a crucial win without their superstar! No wonder Patty is basically now an Aussie legend that could only be equalled by Mark ‘Tubby’ Taylor, Stephanie Rice, the Oarsome Foursome, Makybe Diva and Alf from ‘Home & Away’ combined!
The best part: Patty’s still out there ballin’ like a ledge while also educating folks on indigenous culture AND convincing kids to read! Bala is more of an inspiration than Angus’ second bloody guitar solo in Acca Dacca’s ‘Shoot To Thrill’ that they should probably change the song to ‘Shoot It, Patty Thrills Ya Bloody Dead Set Aussie Ledge’.
#ONYA Patty!
